The featured picture is my lovely Mum. Anniversary of the death of my mother and also losing one of my brothers.


The saddest year in my life was 1995 with the loss so suddenly of my mother on March 10th and in December the same year, just after Christmas, my brother left us also.  He could not bear to be without our dear Mum.  The first four verses were written some years ago.  I have added a few more today.

All Alone!

I’m feeling sad
And quite alone
Will I ever have
A happy home?

I’ve made my decision
The time has come
Oh how I wish
I still had my mum!

A mother so wise
And the truest of friends
It is so cruel
That her life had to end

It ended so quickly
In a blink she was gone
Without her I find
It so hard to be strong

But life goes on
A trial a test
I really must try
To do my best

Make the best of a bad thing
This is the way
For new life to begin
A brand-new day…

It’s 23 years since you left us Mum
The saddest day ever
Then on went your son
My brother – no never!

But alas he did go
He had to depart
Because when you left us
It had broken his heart

Time doesn’t totally heal but the pain eases.  However, always at low points in my life the pain returns.  I wonder how things would have been had I still got my mum and my brother.  Mum was always there for all of us and made so many sacrifices as most mums do.  She cared for so many people as well as her family – she was a warden in a sheltered housing complex for her last few years.  She died so quickly after her retirement and it is so very sad that she never had the full and happy retirement which she so deserved.



Dealing with bereavement.

The time is drawing near to the anniversary of my mother’s death on 10th March 1995 and although I think of her often it is far more poignant now.  Mum never had an easy life either and she was the ‘glue’ that kept the family together.  I also lost one of my brothers in December 1995 – he wanted to be with mum.  It was a very traumatic part of my life and took me a long time to come to terms with.  You never get over some of the traumas in life but have to learn to deal with them and carry on.

(In Loving Memory of Peggy Pettengell)

 Many times you helped me through
Only one person stood by – MUM – that was you
The strength you had and faith in me
Helped me come back to reality
Everyone else gave in, said ‘leave her there!’
Relentlessly you showed love and care

I can recall such devotion you gave

With a thankful heart – my life you saved
Illness came in many guises
Love unending you provided
Lasting through to the bitter end 

A MUM who was more than a special friend
Life will never be the same now
We continue but I just don’t know how
A void exists now in my world
You left behind your little girl
Some day we will be reunited 

Lonely hearts have been divided
Our souls will be as one someday
Voids filled – and again we’ll play
Each and everyone together

Years and years of love and pleasure
Over and over I tell myself
Undying love means more than wealth

Trish – 1995


During my breakdown, and long after, Mum was a great support to me, along with my dear Aunt Val who still stays in contact and I am sure it was their support and faith that got me through this traumatic time.  Although I lost care and control of my sons during this breakdown, two of my sons did return to live with me when I married for the second time in 1988.  My other son had a partner and stayed in Cambridge.

It was during my recovery on release from hospital that I turned to drink which had a devastating effect on my life and is covered in my (as yet unpublished) book ‘The Adverse Effects of Alcohol’.  The following verses are an excerpt from the book:

Growing up

Laughter and tears, sadness and joy
Our life drifts along until girl meets boy
Childhood innocence fades away
Slowly, but surely day by day

Mum and Dad – safety – security
When in childhood and in purity
But as the time goes on
Security, safety and purity are gone

We know not what life holds in store
Just as well – else we’d want no more
For some, life goes by without a hitch
For others – it’s a trial – a test of wits

Our lives take many different paths
For some it is an easy task
Of course, I can only speak for me
And of other experiences that I see

I was coping, I thought, for many years
Then came about my biggest fear
A breakdown, no oil to keep me going
I’d run without any without even knowing

I‘d gone on for months without any steam
I couldn’t sleep – so I couldn’t dream
Until into a ‘Twilight World’ I went
All my energies had been spent

But what lead to this state?
Well, of course, many mistakes
Some that I could not control
Lead me to a big black hole

I hope that some will recognise
The feelings that I have inside
But also, I hope these rhymes
Help you cope with troubled times…

Trish – ‘The Adverse Effects of Alcohol’
Unpublished book – written after staying at Spelthorne St Mary in Hertfordshire