Dealing with bereavement.


The time is drawing near to the anniversary of my mother’s death on 10th March 1995 and although I think of her often it is far more poignant now.  Mum never had an easy life either and she was the ‘glue’ that kept the family together.  I also lost one of my brothers in December 1995 – he wanted to be with mum.  It was a very traumatic part of my life and took me a long time to come to terms with.  You never get over some of the traumas in life but have to learn to deal with them and carry on.

(In Loving Memory of Peggy Pettengell)

 Many times you helped me through
Only one person stood by – MUM – that was you
The strength you had and faith in me
Helped me come back to reality
Everyone else gave in, said ‘leave her there!’
Relentlessly you showed love and care

I can recall such devotion you gave

With a thankful heart – my life you saved
Illness came in many guises
Love unending you provided
Lasting through to the bitter end 

A MUM who was more than a special friend
Life will never be the same now
We continue but I just don’t know how
A void exists now in my world
You left behind your little girl
Some day we will be reunited 

Lonely hearts have been divided
Our souls will be as one someday
Voids filled – and again we’ll play
Each and everyone together

Years and years of love and pleasure
Over and over I tell myself
Undying love means more than wealth

Trish – 1995


During my breakdown, and long after, Mum was a great support to me, along with my dear Aunt Val who still stays in contact and I am sure it was their support and faith that got me through this traumatic time.  Although I lost care and control of my sons during this breakdown, two of my sons did return to live with me when I married for the second time in 1988.  My other son had a partner and stayed in Cambridge.

It was during my recovery on release from hospital that I turned to drink which had a devastating effect on my life and is covered in my (as yet unpublished) book ‘The Adverse Effects of Alcohol’.  The following verses are an excerpt from the book:

Growing up

Laughter and tears, sadness and joy
Our life drifts along until girl meets boy
Childhood innocence fades away
Slowly, but surely day by day

Mum and Dad – safety – security
When in childhood and in purity
But as the time goes on
Security, safety and purity are gone

We know not what life holds in store
Just as well – else we’d want no more
For some, life goes by without a hitch
For others – it’s a trial – a test of wits

Our lives take many different paths
For some it is an easy task
Of course, I can only speak for me
And of other experiences that I see

I was coping, I thought, for many years
Then came about my biggest fear
A breakdown, no oil to keep me going
I’d run without any without even knowing

I‘d gone on for months without any steam
I couldn’t sleep – so I couldn’t dream
Until into a ‘Twilight World’ I went
All my energies had been spent

But what lead to this state?
Well, of course, many mistakes
Some that I could not control
Lead me to a big black hole

I hope that some will recognise
The feelings that I have inside
But also, I hope these rhymes
Help you cope with troubled times…

Trish – ‘The Adverse Effects of Alcohol’
Unpublished book – written after staying at Spelthorne St Mary in Hertfordshire

Author: trishel66

Retired audio typist/secretary. I have three grown up sons, five grandchildren and one great granddaughter. Finally trying to find myself - who am I - what do I want to do for the rest of my life? Several health issues but I keep telling myself "it could be worse!" I have come a long way in my life - the journey is not over - yet!

2 thoughts on “TRIBUTE TO MUM”

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